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Unseen

May 16, 2013

He willed her to look his way.

And for the span of a breath she did.

The air in the room stopped moving, the static charge building until her blink popped like a rocket in his head, and the moment was gone.

Her eyes slid past his and landed on another. On Him. The Him whose shadow swung far and wide, rendering everyone nearby invisible.

She looked right through him, just like she had for the past three years, and his heart shriveled just a little more.

His hope tightened to a grain of sand.

The faith of a mustard seed could move mountains, but the faith of the universe couldn’t make her see.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. May 17, 2013 12:12 AM

    god I love those last 2 lines, beautifully written

  2. May 17, 2013 12:45 AM

    I agree with Marc – great last lines and the whole piece beautifully written!

  3. Deanna Schrayer permalink
    May 17, 2013 4:00 AM

    Oh so sad Dani, and very well told. I love this line: “…her blink popped like a rocket in his head”

  4. May 17, 2013 4:34 AM

    Sad and sweet. As the others have said, you have written some beautiful lines in this flash.

  5. Jax permalink
    May 17, 2013 6:03 AM

    I’ve always loved your flash fics. :) “The Him whose shadow swung far and wide” great image!

  6. May 17, 2013 8:31 AM

    Having been there, I can say you described this so very well.

  7. May 17, 2013 8:59 AM

    Sometimes the universe can’t rely on being so subtle. But then, when it isn’t, it hurts to learn.

  8. May 17, 2013 9:57 AM

    I’ve been that person before, willing someone to see me but always being hidden from view. Can really relate to this.

  9. May 17, 2013 12:50 PM

    Poor guy. If only he’d go up and say something. Then at least he could put the uncertainty to rest.

  10. adampb permalink
    May 17, 2013 2:47 PM

    This is an absolute corker of a piece, Danni. Love it.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  11. May 17, 2013 10:25 PM

    Lovely [and sad] work. Nice one.

  12. May 18, 2013 6:53 AM

    Oh the pain of unrequited love, this was so well done Dani.

  13. May 18, 2013 10:27 AM

    Poignant and beautiful.

  14. May 18, 2013 3:10 PM

    I’m sure most everyone can relate to this. Well done.

  15. May 18, 2013 5:07 PM

    Oh, powerful and a whole story woven into such a short space. Love it.

    Julie

  16. May 19, 2013 4:37 AM

    Wonderfully woven there Dani, love the visuals.

  17. May 19, 2013 2:23 PM

    Wow. I definitely feel for the guy. Great job on this, Danni!

  18. May 20, 2013 11:52 AM

    Beautiful piece. Heartrending in its speed but suggestive of something much deeper.

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