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Another Perfect Kill

May 13, 2010

by Danielle La Paglia

Jason stared out across the open field, his eye trained on the target, finger aching and ready.  The smell of damp earth hung in the air.  A drop of sweat crept down his temple despite the chill of the night.  He fought hard not to blink as he stalked his prey through the sight.

As the clouds shifted, moonlight trickled through the branches of the surrounding trees revealing a clear shot.  He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled as he pulled the trigger.  The bullet zipped through the night air and found its mark.  He watched for movement, waiting to ensure he struck true.

After several long minutes he wiped the moisture from his face with the back of his sleeve and rose from the shelter of the tall grass.  With the confidence of the kill fresh in his veins, he marched across the clearing to claim his prize.

He soaked in the quiet victory of his hunt.  Stars twinkled in the cold, dead eyes staring up into the night sky.  Jason wondered at the peaceful look on his victim’s face before turning to go.

Another life taken.

Another threat removed.

Another perfect kill.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. May 14, 2010 4:33 AM

    The last line is almost like a punctuation mark: syntax as art. Very nice.

  2. jaimecase permalink
    May 14, 2010 7:20 AM

    A couple of nights ago, I ‘clicked’ to read one of your stories. Then another. And another. I can’t begin to tell you how impressed, proud, and even moved by them I was. You have such an amazing way of making us feel a part of each one! And… uhmm… where can I get more of Revelation?? 🙂 Congrats on being published!

  3. May 14, 2010 7:47 AM

    dang you are very good i love this one but still waiting on Revelation chapter two

  4. Michelle permalink
    May 14, 2010 8:20 AM

    Interesting. Makes you wonder who signs this guy’s paycheck. 🙂

  5. May 14, 2010 9:06 AM

    Earthgirl nailed the experience of the last sentence. Circle story with the title, tight syntax, and a sentence like punctuation. The whole piece flies like an arrow, or a bullet into prey.

  6. May 14, 2010 12:49 PM

    You were asking for ones we liked in OWG. I like this one 😉

  7. May 14, 2010 5:04 PM

    Gripping. Great detail!

  8. May 15, 2010 9:40 AM

    The writing here is poetic and very sharp. You capture so much in so few words, and convey so much creepiness about the shooter.

    Excellent little piece. Well done.

  9. May 16, 2010 9:58 AM

    I never really cared for flash fiction before finding this. Nice work!

  10. May 16, 2010 5:40 PM

    Like the shooter, cold and efficient – the perfect match for the mood of the piece.
    ~jon

  11. May 16, 2010 10:30 PM

    Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and comment.

  12. dbreynolds permalink
    May 17, 2010 11:15 AM

    Another great flash fiction, Danni!

  13. May 18, 2010 8:02 AM

    Ohhh I love this. Great piece of fiction. Excellent. xx

  14. May 18, 2010 9:35 PM

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian, Satellite Direct Tv

  15. May 27, 2010 3:27 AM

    Great piece of flash fiction. Thanks for sharing. x

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