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Envy

September 23, 2010

This story is part of my series on the Seven Deadly Sins.
Also posted: Wrath, Greed, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, Pride

Photo Prompt: Saturday’s Child
Model and Photo Editor: Misty Carey

Envy:
an insatiable desire to deprive other men of what is theirs*

You feel it.

Just a tingle at first.

A slight pinch in your stomach. You see her across the room…with him…and your muscles clench. His hand is on the small of her back, her pink lips sparkling in a smile. Your heart rate spikes. A flush pours through you.

A rush, a high. It makes you sick and euphoric all at once.

You try to turn away, but something holds you there, watching in tortured silence, while your everything sips her drink and slips her hand further up his thigh. You bite your lip, tasting blood. Your hands curl into fists. You try to hold on to your sanity, but she’s laughing again, and it builds, pressing on your mind, wrenching your heart.

Your control waivers as he leans in brushing his lips against her ear.

You war with what you know is right and what feels right. She tilts her head inviting his mouth to hers; the final push, and you break.

I course through your veins; free, unbridled, manipulating your emotions, twisting them into something dark and unrecognizable. A fire burns in your gut; a volcano of lust, pride, greed, wrath. It feeds your justifications, spurring you on. You cross the room hardly aware of your own actions. I revel in your blind obedience. Tension rolls through your body; adrenaline spikes through your heart.

Your fist flies.

He hits the floor.

Pain bursts across your knuckles, through your wrist, but you hardly notice because she’s next.

The source of your pain, your humiliation, your rage.

The bottle breaks.

It slices through the air.

Blood flies.

Arcing in slow motion.

Crimson pours down her face.

Your lips curve in a tight smile.

“That’s right,” I whisper. “Now no one else will have her either.”

*wikipedia

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31 Comments leave one →
  1. September 23, 2010 12:28 PM

    I love your writing. I look forward to these every week.

    You capture the feelings of it so well.

  2. September 23, 2010 12:39 PM

    That was awesome, no really, I even felt it. Wow, you nailed that one. Nice job.

  3. September 23, 2010 12:39 PM

    Oh, this one is intense and breathless. My favorite line: “A fire burns in your gut; a volcano of lust, pride, greed, wrath.” Because all these emotions shift into each other and out again.

    Superb writing. I really hope when this series is complete that you’ll put them together and submit them somewhere. They’re that good.

  4. Shadow permalink
    September 23, 2010 12:42 PM

    Very nice! I look forward to these.

  5. September 23, 2010 12:55 PM

    I almost feel sorry for this envious guy.

  6. September 23, 2010 2:42 PM

    Ooo, tasty. It reminds my of my battles with the green-eyed monster. I won most of those, but not all. Nice work Danielle.

  7. September 23, 2010 2:47 PM

    You’ve perfectly captured how envy infects a person. I love this series – you’re getting better and better!

  8. September 23, 2010 3:21 PM

    Envy personified. Nicely done.

  9. Misty permalink
    September 23, 2010 3:45 PM

    Wow, sis! You had me feeling it too! I had a pissy knot twisted in my stomach for no damn reason…besides you putting it there by being a fantastic writer!

    I’m honored that you asked to use my picture in the series. Now I wish I had green eyes. 🙂

    When all 7 are done you should submit them somewhere. It’s awesome.

    • September 23, 2010 4:02 PM

      Thank you and Dawn for letting me use the photo. You’re a wicked Envy!

  10. September 23, 2010 6:01 PM

    Perfectly rendered. I love this series. Very well done.

  11. September 23, 2010 6:38 PM

    High tension take on this one. Love this series.

  12. September 23, 2010 8:27 PM

    The photo was funny to me. It’s like she’s mad at me for having read the definition of envy. Lady, I swear I’m not insatiably driven to steal your necklace! I swear!

    The ending is my favorite of your sinner stories so far. Nobody can have her. A fun kind of dark.

  13. September 24, 2010 6:53 AM

    Great picture, great scary look at the violence of envy!

  14. September 24, 2010 8:18 AM

    Excellent story. The last line sums up envy quite well.

  15. September 24, 2010 9:48 AM

    I love the personification of Envy in this. That it’s something separate, but inside, like a parasite. Fabulous 🙂

  16. Ian permalink
    September 24, 2010 11:23 AM

    Terrifyingly realistic. Another home run.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  17. September 24, 2010 12:30 PM

    Felt the tension building. Great story.

  18. September 24, 2010 2:17 PM

    Love it! Excellent tension and amazing picture!

  19. September 24, 2010 7:14 PM

    Another brilliant addition to your seven deadly sins series. Envy coarsing through him like a menacing snake! It’s definitely a severe way to show this sin and written expertly. I agree you should submit them together. Each one is an amazing take on the sins!Misty’s picture with the green eyes was a fantastic photo prompt.

  20. September 24, 2010 9:33 PM

    Wow! This one is powerful in a different way from the others, Danielle. Really good. Makes me very happy that I share well with others. 😉

  21. September 24, 2010 9:59 PM

    Very good vignette, lots of sensual details. Very strong portrait of someone in the grip of envy.

  22. September 25, 2010 7:28 AM

    I like how you have envy combine so many of the other deadly sins. There really isn’t as clear a delineation as one might like to think. Well done.

  23. September 25, 2010 6:21 PM

    This series keeps getting better and better. This is the best one yet, and I love how the others are incorporated in this.

  24. September 26, 2010 8:14 AM

    This is my favorite of the series so far. Great feel, nice details, and a connection to the other sins.

  25. Deanna Schrayer permalink
    September 26, 2010 9:16 AM

    I love how you let envy have the voice here, as well it should have considering its, well, envious.
    Very nice job.

  26. September 26, 2010 1:11 PM

    wow. Powerful stuff. This is a great series.

  27. September 28, 2010 4:38 AM

    This was intense. You really capture these well.

  28. September 28, 2010 1:22 PM

    Intense and terrifying. I’m really enjoying this series.

  29. September 28, 2010 5:36 PM

    I love what you are doing with these mortal sins. Everything plays out here like a movie — the bottle arcing, slo-mo, gashing her face, the blood. Just super. Peace…

  30. Carlos permalink
    September 30, 2010 7:42 PM

    Great descriptions, great picture (model), really enjoying these.

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