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Shiver

February 10, 2011

Tears stream down my cheeks as memories flow through my mind on a constant loop—excited, lustful, loving, disappointed, angry, terrifying, sorrowful, excited.

A pang in my chest throbs with each wink, every smile, until the final scream. I curl on my side, huddling farther into myself with each passing memory. A chill that has nothing to do with the temperature runs across my spine. Guilt weighs heavy in my gut.

I knew better.

They warned me, but I was arrogant, and they were right. I lost control, and now I cry alone.

“Promise you’ll never break my heart,” you said.

I didn’t break it, but I drank every last drop and licked the last of your life from my lips as your body cooled beneath me.

Your words echo in my head as I shiver in the memory of you.

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39 Comments leave one →
  1. February 10, 2011 11:57 AM

    “as your body cooled beneath me”

    wowsers

    This is everything I want flash to be.

  2. February 10, 2011 12:00 PM

    Oh dear. The young ones, they just don’t have the necessary control, do they?

    Nice sharp, short flash here. A race to a bleak eternity of regret.

    Well done.

  3. Ian permalink
    February 10, 2011 12:02 PM

    Wow. As always, nice work.

  4. February 10, 2011 12:03 PM

    Nice one, Danni! Those vampires just don’t get it. Damn young whippersnappers 😛

  5. February 10, 2011 12:07 PM

    She’ll learn. She’ll learn.

    Nice job with this one.

  6. February 10, 2011 12:29 PM

    Well that’s more than creepy. It’s also really tragic. And yet, I still like it, which for me is weird. I don’t usually like sad things. So you did an excellent job.

  7. February 10, 2011 1:19 PM

    I’ve been reading a lot of romance lately and this really sets my mind whirling with a desire for more…the flash is great (as usual) but I want more!

  8. February 10, 2011 1:25 PM

    “Promise you’ll never…” I hate those kinds of promises, they can never be kept.

    I love your stories…this is why I wanted to try flash fics. You are awesome.

  9. February 10, 2011 1:28 PM

    Lean, mean, and brightly intelligent as usual. Well done once again.

  10. February 10, 2011 1:29 PM

    Love it! Tragic vampire passion. Great work, sis!

  11. February 10, 2011 1:39 PM

    love sucks

  12. February 10, 2011 2:05 PM

    Arrogance makes people do irrational things. She didn’t listen and now…

  13. February 10, 2011 2:31 PM

    Being a bloodsucker’s so hard. Wait, why am I feeling sorry for the killer? Oh, masterfully done. Very sneaky.

  14. February 10, 2011 5:07 PM

    Danni you are insane great I love the passion that overflows in your story I’m numb

    P.s. I had to read it to my brother he doesn’t really read well never read, but he found this very intriguing

  15. HunnyDanez permalink
    February 10, 2011 5:13 PM

    Wow, great piece! It makes me want more!

  16. February 10, 2011 8:14 PM

    At least I left an impression. And excitement. What a way to go! deadface

  17. February 11, 2011 2:29 AM

    Nicely worded and beautifully descriptive emotional text. Great stuff.

  18. February 11, 2011 2:32 AM

    This is where fiction is close to poetry. Excellent!

    • marijun permalink
      February 12, 2011 4:46 PM

      I agree with you Anneke, this is very lyrical. Love it!

  19. Carlos permalink
    February 11, 2011 7:22 AM

    Chilling and creepy. You’re sick! LOL Very well done. Reminds me of Jessica, the young vampire from “True Blood”.

    • February 11, 2011 8:01 AM

      Well you’re stuck with me now! LOL I love you. Thanks for commenting, amor!

  20. February 11, 2011 7:59 AM

    OOOh. Nice! Kind of shivered a little reading it.

  21. February 11, 2011 8:03 AM

    Thank you all for reading and commenting this week. I was driving home from work one day and that last line came to me. I jotted it down in my notebook and let it sit for a week or so, then the rest came. I’m so glad you guys enjoyed it. As for more….

  22. February 11, 2011 8:27 AM

    Just perfect with Valentine’s Day coming up! Excellent tale of regret.

  23. February 11, 2011 9:11 AM

    So this one’s still cutting their teeth, so to speak! I love it: just as it takes most people (well, this person) years to perfect the perfect kiss, those fangs must take some getting used to.
    I love some of the valentine stories in #fridayflash this week, yours included.

  24. February 11, 2011 9:28 AM

    Nicely done.

  25. Deanna Schrayer permalink
    February 11, 2011 1:36 PM

    Wow, wow, wow, what a punch you pack here Danielle, marvelous work!

  26. February 11, 2011 4:51 PM

    Well, there’s a special meal to celebrate Valentine’s Day. And I thought you were a sweetie ;^) Peace…

  27. February 11, 2011 6:13 PM

    Short but very spooky, Danni. And somehow operatic, in a grand scary sort of way.

  28. February 12, 2011 4:12 AM

    Fantastic! Such a sense of darkness in so few words.

  29. cdnwmn permalink
    February 12, 2011 10:50 AM

    You’re so freaking twisted! I love that about you. 😉
    Nicely done.

  30. adampb permalink
    February 12, 2011 5:24 PM

    Fantastic delivery with the brevity. Such an impact.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  31. February 12, 2011 5:45 PM

    Such a visceral hot flash of a story – yet another way it sucks to be a vampire.

  32. laradunning permalink
    February 14, 2011 3:04 PM

    Poor girl, the need for blood can be so compulsive. Great delivery.

  33. February 22, 2011 1:22 PM

    I love this piece! The beginning, where the emotions cycle, is beautiful, and the ending, wonderfully, chilling. Great job, darlin’!

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