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Scorned

August 25, 2011

A tendril of fear curled in his gut as his lungs began to burn. A bitter aftertaste clung to his tongue. He gasped for air as his throat constricted. He clawed at his mouth and neck as the muscles clenched tighter and tighter.

Spots danced at the edge of his vision. Tears streamed from his eyes. Blood rushed in his ears.

God, please, no.

He slumped to the table praying for one clean breath. The room spun, a blur of colors quickly fading. He fumbled for his phone, but a hand snatched it from his palm.

β€œHell hath no fury, right Jack?”

Her laughter echoed in his ears as he sank into oblivion.

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28 Comments leave one →
  1. August 25, 2011 7:52 PM

    Oooooo. Nice! I wonder how she’s doing it. Great piece!

  2. August 25, 2011 8:21 PM

    Sounds like a battery acid sanwich. Hold the Mayo. Nice job Danni.

  3. August 25, 2011 9:01 PM

    Ohh nice! Vengeance is sweet! But how did she do it?

  4. August 25, 2011 9:24 PM

    The title says it all. Excellent story!

  5. August 25, 2011 11:05 PM

    Sounds a lot like Arsenic to me. Cleverly thought and wonderfully constructed. Thanks Dani.

  6. August 26, 2011 1:26 AM

    Dark little piece – I like very much. Nicely done!

  7. August 26, 2011 1:47 AM

    Yup, sounds like a woman to me.

  8. August 26, 2011 4:34 AM

    So glad you’re back, Danni, I missed your prose:) And this one is an excellent dose of sweet Lady Vengeance.

  9. August 26, 2011 4:37 AM

    She was a scary and nasty lady! Well done Danni, getting atmosphere, story, and tension in so few words isn’t easy.

  10. August 26, 2011 6:30 AM

    That was sooooo not enough! I wantz moar!!!! πŸ™‚

  11. August 26, 2011 8:45 AM

    Wow, short and deadly! Well done!

  12. Ian O'Neill permalink
    August 26, 2011 9:18 AM

    Do not let my wife read this! LOL

    Great job. I love how desperate he is and how nonchalant she is.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  13. FARfetched permalink
    August 26, 2011 10:11 AM

    Sounds like someone got poisoned. I’d like to know *why* she did it, though.

    Great flash, too bad it wasn’t over for him that quickly! :-/ πŸ˜€

  14. August 26, 2011 11:14 AM

    Awesome. You have a nice way with words. Very fluid. I might have to play around with your format. I’ve been doing the Vamplit friday flash. And I thought it was hard getting everything into 1000 words. Do you always do 200?

    Paul D. Dail
    http://www.pauldail.com- A horror writer’s not necessarily horrific blog.

  15. August 26, 2011 11:34 AM

    Love it! You know how to write ’em!!
    πŸ™‚ Lisa

  16. August 26, 2011 12:02 PM

    Wow, someone pissed πŸ™‚ Nicely done.

  17. August 26, 2011 1:42 PM

    Whew. I, for one, am glad this is so short. I can’t breathe when I’m reading about someone who can’t breathe.

    Good job.

  18. August 26, 2011 7:33 PM

    You scare me, Danni. πŸ™‚ Great job!

  19. Madison Woods permalink
    August 26, 2011 7:39 PM

    Hi, John Wiswell referred me to your blog for your flash. He was right, I do like it and you are very talented.

  20. August 26, 2011 8:47 PM

    You are scary. An amazing writer. But scary. πŸ™‚

  21. diannewaye permalink
    August 27, 2011 6:48 AM

    The Queen of Flash rules. Nicely done! So much energy inside those words.

  22. August 27, 2011 7:45 AM

    Thank you all so much for commenting. I promise, I’m not that scary. No really. But you will notice Carlos didn’t comment this week. LOL My writing buddy Ian tweeted the other day that his wife said women prefer to kill with poison because it leaves less of a mess. It got me thinking and that’s what I ended up with for this week. So thanks Ian and Sandy!

  23. August 27, 2011 7:46 AM

    I LOVE reading these flash pieces Danni! They’re so captivating and enthralling especially your dark ones. Very nice revenge piece. And with so few words you’ve managed to say it all. Brilliant! πŸ™‚

  24. August 29, 2011 7:58 AM

    Excellent piece. I love your flash fiction. Don’t mess with a woman scorned. x

  25. September 2, 2011 2:43 PM

    You named a character!

  26. September 3, 2011 3:36 AM

    Wow, this is brutal! Packs quite a punch.

  27. September 4, 2011 3:51 AM

    I get the distinct impression that he’s been a bad boy… I also get the distinct impression that he’s NEVER gonna be a bad boy ever again. πŸ™‚

  28. September 8, 2011 8:15 PM

    Nicely written. Sounds like he’s in for a night of torment.

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