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Never Best

January 26, 2012

You were on a pedestal I could never reach. A beauty unmatched, with porcelain skin and Marilyn curves. Your smile outshone the sun. When you spoke, people listened. When you sang, they were transformed. Countless nights I cried, begging God for a voice like that. I dreamed of having your strength and courage, of one day standing on my own two feet and facing down the tyrants and the bullies; of someone standing in awe of me the way I did of you.

I knew I could never match your brilliance, or your talent, or your charm, but I could get close. Walking the tightrope of your shadow, I felt just enough warmth to be satisfied. I had just enough love, just enough respect, just enough praise.

It had to be enough.

I’d never be special. I’d never be first.

I’d always be good. Never best.

26 Comments leave one →
  1. January 26, 2012 9:22 PM

    It’s Friday. It’s nice out. Nobody else around.

    Maybe I’ll make the first comment, Danni.

    Or maybe I won’t.

    We’ll have to see.

    • January 26, 2012 9:22 PM

      And now that I’ve been a goofball – I think most people wind up in negative zones like this. It’s natural to project one’s insecurities into hating another. Easier, emotionally.

  2. January 26, 2012 9:31 PM

    That was a tense piece, I think it highlights how one can compares themselves to another and it results in self dissatisfaction and a negative view of the other person blinding the self to their own abilities.

  3. January 26, 2012 9:33 PM

    Apparently I’m the 999,999th visitor to your blog and I won some vouchers to an Australian supermarket. This made my day.
    Your story was pretty good too.
    Whenever I get down about what I can’t do, I look at what I have done. Sometimes, I surprise myself.

  4. Deanna Schrayer permalink
    January 27, 2012 3:57 AM

    Aw, such a poignant piece Dani, but I can also feel the possibility of horrendous revenge coming – hope that isn’t the case. Well done, as always!

  5. January 27, 2012 5:06 AM

    Well done on a sentiment we don’t always allow ourself to admit. Great work, Lady:)

  6. January 27, 2012 5:35 AM

    I felt the hope turn to despair, and in such a short piece. Well done.

  7. myearthgirl permalink
    January 27, 2012 6:06 AM

    “tightrope of your shadow” is one of the best images I’ve read in a while. best

  8. January 27, 2012 6:24 AM

    “…of someone standing in awe of me the way I did of you…” I think we’ve all had this moment, all felt the mood of this piece at some time. I like the undertones, the message if you spend all your time living in the shadows of others, you’ll never find your own spotlight. πŸ™‚

  9. January 27, 2012 6:58 AM

    Yeah, that about sums it up.
    Great flash, Danni!

  10. January 27, 2012 7:55 AM

    A vulnerable statement. Cheers. xx

  11. January 27, 2012 8:20 AM

    A beautiful piece with a lovely sentiment. x

  12. January 27, 2012 11:10 AM

    A really insightful piece of writing Danni, nicely done. I think you managed to capture the thoughts of someone who is never ‘there’, always aspiring to me more, and never content to be.

    Just a thought, but if the piece describes you and your perception of your writing, then where you are already is a fine place to be! πŸ™‚

  13. January 27, 2012 11:47 AM

    I wish this didn’t feel familiar!

  14. January 27, 2012 1:20 PM

    Hmmm, suddenly I feel sad.

  15. January 27, 2012 3:17 PM

    This is an emotional piece Danni. Well done and it definitely evokes a feeling of unworthiness. So well written as always. You did this justice! πŸ™‚

  16. January 27, 2012 3:24 PM

    “tightrope of your shadow”

    Awesome line! This feels to me like someone is about to do something…unsettling. I’m not sure how it will go down or to whom, but something bad’s on the horizon.

    Great job with few words, per usual!

  17. January 27, 2012 3:43 PM

    A very nicely written piece, that highlights the downside of comparing our abilities and talents to someone else’s rather than appreciating what we have, and making the best of our own talents.

  18. January 27, 2012 3:55 PM

    I’ve felt like that before. I suspect lots of people have.

  19. January 29, 2012 7:01 AM

    I wondered as I read if it were a relative. I noticed your sister commented.. When we are children, it is sometimes a case of survival to put people on pedestals, to help us define who we are.. but as adults it becomes a dangerous game.
    Lovely flash as always Danni

  20. January 29, 2012 11:15 AM

    I’ve felt like that before, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. But after a while we learn to live in the shadows and get by with what we’ve got.

  21. January 29, 2012 3:59 PM

    I can relate to these feelings – you’ve captured it very well…powerful in a few words, gripping! Nice work

  22. January 30, 2012 2:53 PM

    So sad! I love it πŸ™‚ Really well written, it has the emotion dripping from it.

  23. January 31, 2012 11:03 AM

    I LOVED the language but it felt like the beginning was setting me up for a much longer piece and I felt kind-of cut off at the end. But I echo what others have said about the emotion, lots in a little package.

  24. February 4, 2012 10:48 AM

    No one is ever best. There’s always someone better off, more talented, whatever. Happiness is accepting things as they are and living in the moment, appreciating what you have.

    In the previous comments, everyone sees this piece with a negative tone. But if it’s simple acceptance and contentment, I think that’s wonderful. After all, it took the entire universe up until this moment to make everyone and everything in your life. πŸ™‚

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