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Unspoken

April 12, 2012

Words dangle from the edge of my lips like a forgotten cigarette. I sip my wine, trying to wash down the bitterness on my tongue, but it lingers, festering, eating me alive.

And he sits.

Cowardly enjoying his meal, smiling at the waitress, calling for another round, but he can’t even muster the courage to meet my eyes. All the power, the charm, the grandiose displays have lost their luster. Their effect is useless on me now, tarnished in the unforgiving light of the truth. Left unprotected, he’s withered beneath it’s rays until only a husk remains, shriveled shell of what he used to be to me.

And I sit.

With the patience of a priest, waiting for the confession that will never come, for an apology that will forever be

Unspoken.

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31 Comments leave one →
  1. April 12, 2012 12:11 PM

    I really liked that. It was short, but contained a lot.

  2. Misty permalink
    April 12, 2012 12:52 PM

    I feel like this just stirred up memories of the past. Lots of detail packed into a short piece. Good work. 🙂

  3. April 12, 2012 12:59 PM

    So glad you’re back!!! Missed you! Nicely done. 🙂

  4. April 12, 2012 1:36 PM

    You can feel the tension between them. It reminds me of a standoff. Who’s going to shoot first?

  5. April 12, 2012 2:36 PM

    the images:

    Words dangle from the edge of my lips like a forgotten cigarette
    the patience of a priest

    the structure:

    And he sits.
    And I sit.

    the line break at the end creating the slightest pause and the emphasis of the word surrounded by negative space:

    Unspoken.

    just a thoughtfully, masterfully crafted piece…bravo

  6. April 12, 2012 3:14 PM

    What Angie said.

  7. April 12, 2012 4:24 PM

    Excellent story. The little details throughout really make it. You can feel the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife.

  8. April 12, 2012 5:26 PM

    Love the poetic rhythm to your flash. And the emotion here, simmering below the surface, is gripping. Nice!

  9. adampb permalink
    April 12, 2012 7:30 PM

    Lovely lyrcism, Danni.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  10. April 12, 2012 7:52 PM

    Another great one.

    Love the power and evocative image of the opening line that sets the whole thing off:

    “Words dangle from the edge of my lips like a forgotten cigarette.”

  11. April 12, 2012 8:11 PM

    Naturally, she’s going to shoot first. He’s got to go forever unspoken. It says so!

  12. April 12, 2012 11:56 PM

    I read this through twice – bravo! I loved the open sentence “Words dangle from the edge of my lips like a forgotten cigarette.” This piece captures the hurt the realisation that another is not as you thought. So much said with so little words.

    • April 13, 2012 7:55 AM

      Thank you so much, Helen. It’s awesome to hear that you read it twice.

  13. April 13, 2012 3:55 AM

    It’s great to have you back Danni, and it’s also great to see you haven’t gone creatively rusty while you were away. As usual, tight, layered and evocative prose, this time with a real sense of futility and inevitability.

  14. April 13, 2012 8:04 AM

    Dani,

    I greatly enjoy the way your prose takes on a lyrical quality with its cadence and imagery. Love how well you convey the depth of her hurt without needing to detail what it actually is.

    Brilliant!

    All the best,
    Paul

  15. April 13, 2012 8:07 AM

    Very nice piece! The bitterness feels authentic. You prompted my mind to create a rather sordid backstory.

  16. April 13, 2012 8:13 AM

    Terrific power in this piece. I felt so bad for her, allowing herself to be consumed by silent bitterness.

  17. April 13, 2012 8:40 AM

    So much energy and emotion contained in so few words. You are truly the Queen of Flash Fiction. Loved it.

  18. Ian O'Neill permalink
    April 13, 2012 10:15 AM

    A great piece, whether 500 pages or one, leaves the reader wanting more. It asks so many questions and answers few, leaving you wanting more. This is a great piece. I felt the tension between these two…friends, lovers, relatives? What happened between them…betrayal, abuse, ingnorance? And the ultimate answer is what so many poeple experience who’ve been hurt – the apology that will never come.

    This is your best. Wonderful work.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  19. April 13, 2012 11:22 AM

    Welcome back! Great to see your “punch in the gut” microfiction again!

  20. April 13, 2012 12:02 PM

    A short story but one that exuded power and emotional conflict. Wonderfully written Dani and a story that plays well with the readers imagination. You really should start collecting these or expand them into a novella, your writing style suits it very well and I think that you’d get quite a few fans who can associate with it.

  21. April 13, 2012 1:11 PM

    Nice one Danni, the death spasms of a relationship, poetically told.

  22. April 13, 2012 3:33 PM

    Very poetic! I like! Poor lady. I don’t think she will wait for long!

  23. April 13, 2012 5:17 PM

    Oh I like this one a lot. It really speaks to me. Well done, Danni!

  24. April 14, 2012 9:51 AM

    very nice, short but packed full of information directly said and unspoken, very powerful

  25. April 15, 2012 7:51 AM

    I love the fact that it doesn’t even matter what he’ll be confessing TO, just the fact that he won’t is enough to sustain the story.

  26. April 15, 2012 2:17 PM

    Short and powerful. Gave me the same tummy-flies that I would have felt were I in the narrator’s position.

  27. April 15, 2012 9:06 PM

    Danni, this was wonderful. I love the first line. “Words dangle from the edge of my lips like a forgotten cigarette.” Brilliant. The imagery is a perfect foundation for the emotion here. Having been here, where she is, I say you captured that moment very well.

  28. April 16, 2012 4:09 PM

    Nice one. I love the imagery.

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